Content Warning: This post touches on family dynamics, challenging relationships, and personal reflections. Reader discretion is advised.
History Repeats: A Curious Connection Between Two Daves
This morning, my stepfather, Dave, was scheduled for open-heart surgery. However, it was cancelled due to a rising white blood cell count and decreasing potassium levels. I couldn’t help but find this fascinating because my late father—also named Dave—had the same issues before he suffered his first major stroke at the age of 51.
It makes me wonder: could my mother’s influence be impacting her Daves in this way? After all, it’s well-established that environmental factors can play a significant role in the expression of certain medical conditions.
Control and Surrender: My Mother’s Way
Most people have never met anyone quite like my mother. She has an unparalleled need to control everything—and I do mean everything. Nothing my stepfather does seems to escape criticism. He breathes wrong, eats wrong, moves wrong. If he helps, he’s yelled at; if he doesn’t help, he’s still yelled at.
My brother once joked after my mom bumped into the corner of her stove and hurt herself, “Yell at Dave for putting the stove there!” We laughed, but we knew it wasn’t far from the truth.
When my stepfather’s surgery was canceled this morning, she defiantly texted me:
“Unbelievable what is happening with my/Dave’s life…? GOD WINS… I’m hanging on the precipice as I shout… GOD WINS!!”
The text made me smile—not because of what she wrote but because I could see the double meaning behind her words.
On one level, her human nature was screaming, “I WILL WIN! I’m going to pray for what I want, ask everyone else to pray with me, and twist God’s arm into giving me what I want.” It’s fascinating how prayer can sometimes become less about surrender and more about trying to impose our will on God’s.
On a deeper level, I could sense her spirit quietly whispering the profound truth: “GOD WINS.” Indeed, God always prevails. However, the outcome may differ entirely from what we envision or desire.
Here’s my response to her text:
“Yes, God wins—often in ways we only realize in hindsight. His will takes us on rides down unimaginable paths, but His care is always present.”
Family Relationships as Teachers
Over the past few months, my mother has repeatedly tried to force outcomes that weren’t unfolding naturally, only to face the escalating consequences of getting her way. For example, she insisted on selling their house but ended up practically giving it away because she had already committed to purchasing another property. Her determination to move, no matter the cost, drove the process. Yet shortly after the move was complete—with boxes still unpacked—my stepdad experienced a heart event that upended her plans in ways she hadn’t anticipated or agreed to. The aftermath was anything but smooth.
Could it be that God is gently showing her, time and again, that His will prevails—not hers? That He knows best?
The truth is, my mother has no control over Dave’s medical outcomes, no matter how much she convinces herself otherwise. As a retired nurse, she often leans on her medical knowledge and authority, and when that doesn’t work, she resorts to natural remedies in an attempt to control both her health and his. But the reality is simple: she controls nothing. None of us do.
Forgiveness and Healing
Growing up with my mother was magnitudes worse than my stepdad’s experiences today. As a child, I was small and defenseless, and her words weren’t her only weapon—she could also use physical force. Her episodes of violent and sometimes murderous rage were unpredictable and terrifying. Walking on eggshells was a way of life. I spent as much time as possible outside the house—exploring the nearby forest, playing outdoors, or hiding in my bedroom (though even that wasn’t always safe).
Years of therapy offered many insights but brought little true healing. Several counselors advised me to go no-contact. I tried it once, but it didn’t sit well with me. I’m grateful I never repeated it, as I’ve since found a far more meaningful path to healing.
Scripture reminds me:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
I’ve learned to see Christ in her through God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s guidance. She has been a teacher to me in many ways, and her curriculum has been very challenging at times. Over the years, our relationship has transformed. She now considers me her preferred person to have around and frequently asks me to visit or even travel with her because she claims my presence is peaceful.
What once felt impossible—loving her unconditionally—is now a reality. I am deeply grateful for the lessons and healing that have come from my relationship with her.
Surrendering to the Divine Plan
I’ve learned to release many of the associations I’ve made with my mom since childhood, allowing me to see her for who she truly is—a child of God, just as I am. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t trigger me—she does. But now, I let the emotions flow naturally, trusting God to guide me in healing whatever arises for transformation.
I am reminded that surrendering to God’s plan is the only way forward.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5–6).
Indeed, “GOD WINS.”
Spiral Up! 
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