Have you ever felt out of place? I have – almost every time I hear autism described as a problem to be solved. Today it hit me again while watching a popular health expert, and it reminded me why we need a completely new lens on autism and parenting.
I feel out of place almost every time I scroll through social media or listen to mainstream experts talk about autism. The language of cure, correction, and disorder makes me feel alien in a world that insists on misunderstanding difference.
But here’s what I’ve learned: feeling out of place is often the beginning of seeing clearly.
The Problem with the Fix-It Model
In American culture, autism parenting usually means you’re expected to follow the “fix-it” path: therapies, interventions, supplements, treatments. Parents are told they must normalize their children at all costs. The DSM – the American psychiatric manual that defines mental health worldwide – encodes the same cultural values: extroversion, self-promotion, competitiveness. Anything that doesn’t match is labeled a disorder.
But what if those labels are not universal truths? What if they are just cultural judgments?
Cultures Where Difference Fits
In Finland or Iceland, traits that Americans pathologize like quietness, modesty, routines, and solitude, are simply the fabric of society. In many First Nations communities, unusual children are not seen as broken; they are often considered chosen, carrying wisdom for the community. Across tribal traditions, what we might call autistic traits are reframed as sacred roles.
So much depends on the lens. In one culture, difference = disorder. In another, difference = belonging.
The Real Cost of Pathologizing
When autism is framed as brokenness:
- Children grow up believing they are defective.
- Parents chase cures instead of cultivating environments where their kids thrive.
- Society loses the wisdom autistic people carry — a way of seeing and sensing that could bring balance to a chaotic world.
This is why I chose a different path in raising my four children. My success didn’t come from fixing them. It came from creating a family culture where difference didn’t need to be hidden or repaired. Their individuality was not just tolerated but celebrated.
For context: I have 2 ADHD children, 1 Autistic child and 1 gifted child. They are all successfull adults today. I myself am 2e – gifted and autistic.
Out of Place, or Seeing Clearly?
Maybe the truth is that autistic people, and parents who see autism differently, only feel “out of place” because the culture itself is distorted. Like the child in The Emperor’s New Clothes, sometimes the ones who seem most out of step are simply the ones telling the truth everyone else is afraid to see: autism is not pathology. It is a way of being.
Autism parenting can become less about repair and more about raising whole children, children who belong fully to themselves, not to society’s narrow definition of normal.
A New Lens on Parenting
Yes, I often feel out of place in a world that insists autism is broken. But out of that dissonance, I’ve built something extraordinary: a way of parenting that raised four thriving children, broke cycles of generational abuse, and proved that difference is not a deficit.
This blog series will keep planting seeds for rethinking autism and parenting differently. And in the coming months, I’ll be releasing my new book – a guide that shares the exact strategies I used to raise whole, neurodivergent children in a world of control. If you’ve ever felt out of place as a parent, this book will be for you.
Spiral Up! 
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