Stepping Aside and Embracing Healing: A Follow-Up
My mother is my teacher. She always has been. People who know her or know of her often think I’m crazy for saying this. Many wonder how I can even maintain a relationship with her. Mental illness is evident in nearly everything she does. And yet, I know this is not who she truly is. By God’s grace, I’ve been able to look beyond her drama and see Christ in her.
She called me in a frantic state on Sunday. The oral surgeon had just informed her they should bring Dave (my step dad) in first thing the next morning for some critical procedures. This was short notice.
The dental work would be required for heart surgery to be back on the table. Worn, weary, and mentally fragile, my mother begged me to come for the night to the city where they’re staying in a hotel as they navigate his health challenges. While they recently moved to cottage country, about 2.5 hours from the province’s best hospitals, the city where they are now is only 30 minutes from my home. I really did not need to come overnight. Yet, she wanted me nearby—right next door. She wanted me to spend the evening with her, drive them to and from appointments the next morning, and be her dining companion. Food is her primary comfort.
So, I went. I slept horribly, but God’s grace sustains me, as it always does. My mother is extremely on edge and emotionally fragile. Every little thing Dave does triggers a reaction. She watches him constantly, looking for the smallest thing to criticize. It’s almost unreal if you’ve never witnessed such behavior. This hyper-vigilance is a form of OCD, and it exhausts her, though she doesn’t see it. Instead, she blames her exhaustion on the external circumstances—on the challenges she feels have been thrust upon her.
As always, my mother views others’ needs as an imposition on her own life. Watching her fall into self-pity and agitation as she is forced to prioritize Dave’s needs over hers has given me profound insight into my life and healing journey.
A Journey Through Memory
As a child, I was often sick with colds, earaches, and hemiplegic migraines. A hemiplegic migraine is a rare, genetically linked condition that causes numbness on one side of the body, visual disturbances, auditory distortions, nausea, confusion, and a severe headache. These symptoms mimic a stroke and require attentive care. Yet, despite my mother being a nurse, she rarely attended to me adequately during these episodes. I got this type of migraine ALL the time, every 2 – 3 weeks throughout my childhood. I often lay in bed for days, unable to make sense of the world, in excruciating pain. The kind of pain that makes you not want to be here anymore.
I remember calling out weakly, needing help to go to the bathroom or throw up, but my voice was too faint to be heard. Left to fend for myself, I would somehow muster the strength to meet my own needs. These experiences reinforced a deep belief that I would not be taken care of. And in those moments, it was true.
A Path to Healing
Today, I’ve learned beautiful inner healing methods that rely on imagination, Scripture, and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Together, the Holy Spirit and I revisit painful memories—moments filled with abandonment, neglect, and fear. I’m often led to imagine someone who was a source of life and care in my childhood—a trusted adult like a pastor or teacher—offering the compassion I needed. In those sacred moments, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are present, gently pouring healing into the places that once held sorrow. The Holy Spirit reaches into the timeline of my life, renewing my mind and heart with God’s love.
I can’t fully explain how this happens—and that’s okay. Scripture reminds us that:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3
We are not the ones who make healing happen. Our role is to turn to God with open hands and hearts, trusting Him to do what only He can do.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
— Proverbs 3:5–6
True healing isn’t the result of striving or knowledge—it comes from surrender. When we give even a little bit of willingness, God meets us with grace.
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed… nothing will be impossible for you.”
— Matthew 17:20
These truths have profoundly shaped my experience of healing. It’s not about doing more—it’s about trusting more. Healing is the miraculous work of the Holy Spirit, transforming us from the inside out.
Embracing the Role of Love
As for the ongoing saga of my mother and Dave’s medical challenges, I embrace the opportunity to be an instrument of healing, kindness, and unconditional love. Often, this means providing nothing more than a quiet, loving presence. Last night, I had the chance to share a beautiful moment with my mother over text after I returned home:
Mom: “Thank you again for all you have helped us with today… we love you very much.”
Me: “Thank you both for including me in the sacred journeys of your lives. I’m blessed to be able to love and support you both; you’ve done so much for us throughout the years.”
Mom: “How special, Michelle… Thank you so much. What beautiful words to go to sleep with tonight. You mean the world to us.”
Biblical Integration
This journey reminds me of Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:2-3:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
And in 1 Peter 4:8:
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Love is the ultimate healer. It transforms, unifies, and replaces fear with peace. Love works miracles through a holy instant or the quiet moments of showing up for someone in need.
Conclusion
I continue to walk this path of healing and transformation with gratitude. My mother, despite her struggles, remains one of my greatest teachers. Through her, I’ve learned what it means to see beyond appearances, step aside and let the Holy Spirit guide, and embrace love’s miraculous power. These lessons are treasures I carry into every aspect of my life.
Spiral Up! 
Leave a comment